I just want to take a moment to talk about a post I saw floating around Facebook the other day that said somethings the effect of “this is what happens (school shootings) when we stop beating our kids”
First I want to address a few points;
Is there research that supports this statement?
Have you personally talked to that family to know intimately their parenting methods?
Do you know exactly how this child was raised to say for sure this was a result of a lack of physical discipline in the home?
Until the facts are investigated and clearly stated, we can not know what happened in that child’s upbringing.
I for one do not use physical abuse in my household. This is not a method that works for me OR my children. It does not mean I don’t run a tight ship. I use my voice to to exercise healthy boundaries. I am firm but fair. I monitor for age appropriate content on their ipdads. We have routines, accountability, chores, homework time, family nights, and reading time and much more.
But when it comes to spanking or hitting, it’s just not part of our family dynamic.
and hear me clearly:
Just because I do not “beat my kid” does NOT mean I’m raising a serial killer.
I’m also not here to pit one of us against the other…. or say one style of parenting is better than another. In fact, I have no input for the parents who use modes of physical discipline to run their household, because it is not my house, nor my kids. What’s right for me may NOT be right for you, and that is okay, even if we don’t agree.
BUT I do feel strongly there are 2 things going on right now with parents everywhere that have NOTHING to do with discipline modalities.
The 1st: we’re scared.
Parents, we’re TERRIFIED. We’re doing everything we can, all of us, everything within our power to raise good, HEALTHY, happy young adults. We all lay our heads down at night praying to GOD we’re not somehow unwillingly/ unknowingly f*cking up our kids. And here in front of us is clear evidence that something is wrong. VERY wrong. And no amount of “beatings” or “helicopter parenting”, or whatever trendy parenting technique you want to slap a label on and use for your home, none of it really matters.
Because at the end of the day, we’re all doing our very best to raise good people
The reality we have to confront is: there is something going on with our kids we CAN NOT control, and that knowledge is horrifying.
Parenting in this era can feel troublesome,
we’re scared to send our kids to school, and we’re unsure they’re even safe.
We don’t know day to day how to respond to this level of grief.
We’re unaware of the best approach to help our children understand the magnitude of these circumstances, because we’ve never faced this level of danger before.
and it’s days like this, the awareness, the confrontation, it all gets the best of us.
We are parenting in uncharted territory, and we’re all feeling a little emotional. Somehow these children are slipping through the cracks. We must call attention to our young boys and figure out what they need. We must find better ways to reach them. We must admit there’s a BIG problem and our boys, our young men are SUFFERING to the point where mass shootings are the end result, and it’s scary.
The 2nd point: Love. your. kid. and help your kid learn to love himself
I can not emphasize this enough, physical discipline or not, NEITHER option has ANYTHING to do with the way you teach your child self- love.
How are you integrating lessons of your child’s self- worth in his life?
How are you mirroring confidence, love, and kindness to your child?
How is he developing his character using your guidance?
Is he exercising compassion, empathy, and tolerance toward others? If not how can you help teach him?
Is he respectful of boundaries?
Do you know if your child feels loved, accepted and understood for who he is?
THIS is how we begin to reach our kids.
THIS is how we begin to break the barrier and make connections and help shape healthy children capable of healthy relationships.
So STOP. STOP with the mom shaming already.
It’s time we rally the village, show a little grace and poise. STOP attacking one another and start REACHING for our children’s HEARTS to make a change. As parents we are a community, and we need each other more than ever while we navigate these difficult and confusing times.